top ten names for a pet tarantula: pete, beulah, llcoolj, klondike, gigabyte, patches, bozo, smithy, yolanda, and toke the magnificent.
top ten uses for an empty milk carton: cat litter dispenser, sand storage, spoiled milk suppository, tarantula nest, ice scoop, paper weight, pretend telephone, legal pad, recipe bulletin board, and suggestion box.
top ten places to place your urn: on the mantle, on the patio, in the forest, in the yard, on the roof, in the dog house, in the bathroom, in the gymnasium, in the coat closet, and in an aquarium.
top ten excuses: my dog ate it, my cat ate it, my dad ate it, my mom ate it, I ate it, my grandma ate it, my great uncle ate it, my neighbor ate it, my teacher ate it, and my other dog ate it.
top ten pancake shapes: mickey mouse ears, rorschach test, barf, nascar track, jackson pollack, island, minnie mouse ears, indy car track, bull ring, and moon.
top ten time killers: watching tv all weekend at the super 8, time share promo vacation, lawnmower races, drinking in convenience store parking lot, building fires in orchards, steak knife sales conference, tailgating cops, reading convenience store magazines, drawing turtles to get into art school, and trying out chairs at the pottery barn.
top ten ways to watch tv: in bed, sick, drunk, tired, asleep, on the couch, in a chair, at the kitchen table, upside down, and blindfolded.
top ten questions: you wanna? whatcha doin? spare some change? got a light? what's your name? smell that? why'd you do that? where you goin? could you turn that off? and you think?
top ten rejected scratch and sniffs: toilet, sandpaper, corpse, paper, glue, concrete, silly putty, golf course, road crew, and criminal.
top ten brand names for children's names: chevrolet, walmart, mattell, nabisco, shell, chevron, nilla, starbucks, sonic, and california pizza kitchen.
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