superman blanket and football slippers

A guest post by Hank "The Birdmangler" Buttspinscher, Jr., reporting from Torino, Italy, the site of the 2006 Winter Olympics:

First of all I'm not sure but I think the people here don't know jack shit about good barbecue and throwing peanut shells on the floor. These are two of my favorite hobbies back in the good ol', along with complaining about the 5% loss of motion in my shoulder, picking lint from my belly button, eating scrambled eggs, drinking tequilas and coke, racing tractors with the neighbor's wife, hanging out with the neighbor's wife, driving the neighbor to the airport when he goes outta town on business, tickling the neighbor wife's feet, smoking cigars in bed, scratching my rear, scratching the neighbor wife's rear, drinking beer, drinking beer, drinking beer, riding in grocery carts, waking up with the sun in my face, hanging out with the dog and the clicker, drapes closed, ice pack, warm Superman blanket, slippers shaped like footballs, leftover pork chops, mashed potatoes, playing pull tabs, gambling, spitting, shooting, scratching, screeching, drag racing, and Garfield.