burning cougars saving schoolchildren

Top Ten Things to Do When a Small-Time Lit Mag Editor Rejects Some Bit of Writing You Sent in the Vain Hope of Publishing It:

1. Invent unconventional sports team names: Peoria Peanut Butter Aficionados; Lubbock Storm Drain Sox; Portland Scabby Elbows; Tacoma Jongs; Nevada Sexually-Transmitted Disease Sufferers; Atlanta Melted Velveetas.
2. Pick bits of lint out of your navel while awaiting a train.
3. Eat God Save the Queen brand sardines packed in oil you bought at Rite-Aid.
4. Pat your pet fly strip, Pasty, on the head and stare at the wall.
5. Pack a small duffel bag with three changes of clothes, a small handheld tape recorder, one pencil, and a pad of recycled notepaper, then walk to the street corner and stick out your thumb for a ride.
6. Accept a ride from an elderly man who says he's going to hell but can drop you off at a gas station somewhere down the road.
7. Sit on a curb in front of a gas station somewhere and hum "God Save the Queen."
8. Get out pencil and pad and outline an "All in the Family" episode you remember from years ago in which Archie says something bigoted and Meathead objects and Gloria cries and Edith gets Archie a beer.
9. Draw a stick figure lying on a bed of nails surrounded by burning cougars and imagine it's an editor who, though he liked your bit of writing, said he would pass on it anyway.
10. Write a short story about burning cougars saving schoolchildren from an advancing tornado.