God Save the Queen

Top Ten Things to do While Waiting for a Freighter to Arrive in Port:

1. Clip fingernails while whistling "God Save the Queen."
2. Clip fingernails while scratching crotch and humming "God Save the Queen."
3. Clip fingernails while burping up last night's dinner and singing "God Save the Queen" at lungs' full capacity.
4. Clip coupons for God the Save Queen brand toenail shavings at Rite-Aid.
5. Stop clipping coupons for God Save the Queen brand lip balm at Rite-Aid and slip into a coma and fall off a park bench onto the ground, scattering several dozen pigeons in whirrs of surprise.
6. Walk slowly toward a bright light at the end of a long, long tunnel, while in the background a tinny, scratchy recording of "God Save the Queen" plays.
7. Cough uncontrollably and rue the day you dropped out of barber college to pursue a career schlepping God Save the Queen brand vacuum cleaners door to door.
8. After dreaming of the lost financial opportunities that could have been had by opening a chain of God Save the Queen Barber Colleges, wake from a coma and find a half dozen sardines in your left breast shirt pocket.
9. Clip a coupon for a tin of God Save the Queen brand sardines packed in oil at Rite-Aid.
10. Read an upside down road map of Switzerland with a God Save the Queen brand magnifying glass purchased at Rite-Aid.